Adventure #9 – Forgiveness (a love story)

February 13, 2010

I started off 2010 with an email from an ex-boyfriend I hadn’t spoken to in 7 years – not since he married some chick while we were in (what I thought) was a long distance relationship.  The marriage was bad enough, but to make matters worse he neglected to ever inform me of the event (or break up with me), so I had to find out from my best friend who had heard it through the grapevine.  During our tumultuous 4-year on and off again relationship, I lovingly nicknamed him my “Krytonite” because I knew he would eventually destroy me but I couldn’t stay away from him.   Fitting, wouldn’t you agree?

Needless to say, his New Year’s email caught me off guard, and then of course, brought back a maelstrom of emotions.   I was angry yet intrigued.  What could he possibly want after all this time?  I was in turmoil for weeks trying to figure out what he wanted from me.

What he wanted was to meet up with me next time I visited home and have dinner.  I was torn between shutting him out forever (you had your chance loser!) or taking the opportunity to get closure and possibly get some of my questions answered.  For instance, why was I out of the loop about your wedding?  I probably should have been the first to know, don’t you think?  Do you realize you never broke up with me, so does that technically mean we’re still together?

I decided to go ahead with the dinner, and I have to say it’s a night I’ll never forget.  My beloved Kryptonite allowed me to look him in the eye to tell him how much pain he had caused me and how my life had never been the same since.   He apologized and accepted responsibility, but explained his side of the story.  I actually walked away feeling like he did me a favor by marrying that other girl.  What I viewed as the most disrespectful and hurtful thing that someone had ever done to me was actually him having so much respect for me and my dreams to not drag me into a life he knew I would hate.  He said that the driving force behind why he didn’t choose me was that he truly believed I didn’t need him and that I would be better off without him.  I told him he probably could have told me that 7 years ago, so I didn’t waste so much energy despising him!  He seemed proud of the person I became and I felt he had a lot of respect for what I’ve done with my life.

Thank you, Kryptonite, for seeing the possibilities of what my life could become without you in it, even when I couldn’t see that for myself.   Thank you for empowering me with independence and courage to journey through life solo, making my own choices and forging my own way.  Maybe  I should change your nickname to Red Bull, since you gave me wings!  😉

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